can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since my last post. I realized that I have a really difficult relationship with this blog – never quite felt like “home” – I guess maybe because I was always apprehensive of what I post here and how it might be perceived – I call it perverted perfectionism.
It’s sounds really cinical – my perfectionism that is – since I’m really far from perfect. I’m also very self-critical. See, a really tortured soul. But I really do want to feel at home here…
Today, for so many reasons I feel really lost. Is it OK to be 26 and a half and feel that lost? Soul searching is really exhausting and painful and right now I wish for something that will save me from myself.
That painting that was not done drying – well, at second look I didn’t like it at all. I’ll try and paint another one tomorrow – a better version.
Trust me, Masha, for that self-crucifixion there is no cure, but you are not alone.
And who knows, maybe that is the real criterion to know if you are good at what you do.
Perfection is hardly something that you can achieve permanently, it is something to strive for. Simply be happy and enjoy if you are able to touch it once in a while.
You are to harsh on yourself when you look only at the things that are not perfect yet, there is so much about you that is lovely. Try to see yourself as those around you see you. The people that love you accept you as you are, including little imperfections. So why wouldn't you accept yourself as you are. If you do, you can still go on improving whatever you dislike, just don’t let it depress you.
Thank you for the lovely reply I found in my mailbox. Wishing happyness and good health to you, your husband, Felix and all your loved ones,
Claire
i hope it's ok to be 26 1/2 and still feel lost sometimes. i certainly know how that goes. hang in there. it gets better.